Adventures of a Neurotic Premed.

I have been stressing for quite a while now over my neuropharmacology class. I knew I had not done so well on the first exam. In fact, I hadn’t even read 6 of the chapters that were going to be on the test. I was so sad and mad at myself, wondering what I did wrong. I don’t remember slacking much at all actually since the beginning of this semester.

The reality of it was that I had taken on a plate too full this semester. I spend huge proportions of my time on working on my thesis since I wanted to complete it before my senior year and in time for interviews. The consequence was the difficulty in balancing commitments, and my hold on the neuropharm class slipped. The course requires 6 hours of studying outside of class for every class hour, and yet I have decided to take 16 credit hours along with my trying to complete my thesis, keep up with shadowing and leadership, and take the MCAT this semester.

It was already too late to drop the class. I stressed and cried over it and didn’t sleep the night before. I couldn’t afford to fail the class. I was in despair. However, my significant other told me not to despair and to look up to God in times of hardship. It was so hard. I tried to pray as I fought my emotions of guilt and self-hate.

After a night of hardly any sleep, I entered my neuropharm class full of dread only to find out I had miraculously made an 87 on the exam… I was more than ecstatic. My mind felt numb. Filled with gratefulness and contrition for having despaired, I thanked the Lord, my heart swelling from the blessing of having such a loving and fulfilling God. It was impossible to make such a grade with the amount of studying I did.

The Lord’s love further showed in what my professor said that day: “Things happen in your life that you can’t control and you will mess up sometimes. However, how hard you work is always in your control. There will always be people who are going to be smarter than you. All you gotta do is outwork them.”

This statement struck me in the most profound way, not just in the sense that those words came from a professor who was notorious for making students feel completely stupid, but that God had answered my worries through him.

As many pre-meds do, I constantly compare myself to other students and beat myself up for what I feel lacking in. Many times I doubt myself and wonder if I am actually doing what I am supposed to be doing because I feel so stupid and incompetent at times. In truth, I focus too much on my own perceptions and what I think when instead I should be praying constantly and having faith that everything will work out in the end because it somehow always does. God allows me to have the fullest confidence because I can rely on the fact that He will walk with me each step of the path, despite my own disbelief in my abilities.

God works in our lives, through us and through the people around us in strange ways to show us that He is always there and that He is always listening and that He will take care of us. We just have to open our hearts and souls to Him.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6

6+ hours of MCAT studying a day.
Scrambling to enter, analyze, write up, defend and publish an Honors thesis.
16 hours of class.
Neuropharmacology being one of them.
Weekly shadowing and volunteering.
Active participation and leadership in honors prehealth society and global health group.
Preparing for committee interview.

I love it all, just isn’t enough time in a day for all this…. But then again, when will there ever be?

Today, I learned that nitroglycerin dilates the blood vessels in order to treat high blood pressure. If it works, you are at risk for a heart attack. If not, something else is wrong.

A “grasshopper” is a nasty cocktail for GI stuff (reflex and abdominal discomfort).

I witnessed a Pap smear which only lasted 5 minutes.

Met the toddler that had immune thrombocytopenia (ITP), probably one of the very rare cases I’ll ever see.

Met a baby who had a persistent chlamydial conjunctivitis. Mother birthed her while carrying the STD.

Learned what a baby with “clubbed feet” looks like.

When babies learn to walk, their appetites naturally decrease.

Another day of shadowing. Possibly the best. My doctor is awesome, blunt, real. Possibly the coolest doctor. Thinking of family medicine in the future…

Patient with normal BP but low pulse. Diagnosed with brachycardia and prescribed an “event monitor” (a sort of long-term EKG that records electrical heart activity while the patient can press a button whenever they experience an episode so that doc knows if the heart is the problem).

Patient with postpartum depression. Daughter also reports symptoms of extreme depression.

A past miscarriage. Patient has been bleeding for nearly 4 months, stopped and then started again. Is it menstrual cycle or unfinished miscarriage.

The Lantus pen is a form of convenient insulin injection for diabetics.

Chantix is a pill that people take to quit smoking but could have the side effect of increased suicide risk.

“Dermatomyositis (DM) is a connective-tissue disease related to polymyositis (PM) that is characterized by inflammation of the muscles and the skin. While DM most frequently affects the skin and muscles, it is a systemic disorder that may also affect the joints, the esophagus, the lungs, and, less commonly, the heart”

Many things seen and learned within a period of 2 hours…

Today was my very first time shadowing a family physician. To describe it within a few words: I had no idea that I would see and experience so much within a span of less than 3 hours. In honesty, I was chasing my doctor up and down the clinic as she saw patients. I didn’t get to ask many questions, but it was one of the most exhilarating and memorable experiences I have ever had.

I met a woman with benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. Also met a set of twin babies who BOTH came out bottom first from the mother (the concern with this is congenital hip dysplasia). I learned how to measure number of weeks pregnant with a tape measure stretched from the pubic synthesis to the top of the baby bump. The doctor also let me feel for the baby’s head and butt through the stomach. She said the woman needed to go into labor and stripped her membrane (ouch). There were a few cases of children with immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) (with as low as only 16 platelet count). I listened to a baby girl’s breathing through a stethoscope and realized that she had a wheezing breath.

The highlight of the day however was when the doctor let me watch her place an IUD inside of a woman. It was so strange because I felt nothing during the whole procedure. Just observation. However, at the end of it, the room started spinning, my vision began to black out, and everyone’s voices got farther and farther away… However, I did NOT pass out, thank God, that would have been extremely embarrassing.

More adventures to come….